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Random Awesome.
Hajar is the name. A MuslimI am,and proud of it. I choose not to deny my humanity but embrace it. I'm weird but approachable. I don't believe in karma but I believe in Qada & Qadar. ♥A nurse,who will always try to satisfy the hearts of her patients. |
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Rocket.
A blog with full of nonsense.(: Deeper Conversation.
Escape.
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Paint The Rainbow Black..
This week.. I felt my world is falling apart again..Many things has been bothering me.. Exams..Home..Him..It keeps coming back.. Back from malaysia.. Celebrating hari raya haji at my uncle's place with family.. Well,not really a celebration cause I didn't enjoy myself for the last two days at his house.. Actually,I didn't intend to go there.. I was feeling too sick and I'm not close to his family anyway.. But I just have to.. It's hari raya,and grandma is there so I just follow.. Long story short,his attitude bothers me.. Okie,I know he's the religious type.. And so as his children.. I don't mind if he wanna talk about Islam and the importance of Qur'an.. Because I knew,I don't have much knowledge on it.. But one thing I'm feeling uptight about was,to me,he's like brainwashing my parents thoughts and perceptions.. U know like how Nazi brainwashed his people by using propaganda and stuffs?? Somesort the same.. U guys might think that I'm spouting nonsense and I should be proud to have an uncle who likes to share his knowledge about our religion.. Frankly dude,I feel that darkness is closing on me more.. I know he's a doing good deed but yesterday,when my family and his family were sitting down together,and he shares his opinions,my dad literally agrees in everything he said.. In my heart I was like,"Oh my God!! What kind of drama are u showing infront of your kids??" Then he kept pointing on our mistakes.. Urgh!! My mouth was freakingly itching to tell my dad's mistakes to his brother.. But I just shut my mouth.. Come on,I know we have our weakness,we are not religious as u are.. Nevertheless,u can't keep attacking us.. People don't change overnight.. I also want to learn more about Islam but don't force us into it.. Everything takes time.. Well,maybe,the word 'understand' is not in your dictionary anymore.. So as my dad.. Mum..please don't be like one of them.. I'm begging u.. My mind is also bothered by my relationship with Bf.. Well,recently I met him.. I was freakingly happy.. Eventhough I had a fever on that day,I still came to see him because I was missing him too much.. But then something happen.. As I sat down with him,he started to become very quiet.. He only talked to me for a few minutes then after that,he stares into space again.. At first,I thought of ignoring it but anger get the best of me.. I also did the same thing.. Just keeping quiet.. He tried to hug me and said that he was sorry.. It doesn't work.. He let go and gave a long sigh.. He then told me he was having problems.. And when I asked him why,he said it's no use talking about it.. My frustrations worsen.. A few minutes after that,I picked up my school bag and walked off.. Honestly,I never did that to him before.. Usually,I would just try to cheer him up but that day,emotions runs in me.. I was crying so badly as I was walking home,feeling guilty and mad.. Frankly,sometimes I felt like our love is fading away slowly.. Eventhough we've been together for more than 2 years,it seems that I'm the only one crazy about him.. Even my sis thought I'm obssesed with him because I always say his name.. I don't know.. Maybe I was thinking too much.. Hopefully,this emptiness can be filled with happiness again.... ~END~ Labels: Crushed.Frustrated.Guilt.Lost |