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Paint The Rainbow Black..

This week.. I felt my world is falling apart again..
Many things has been bothering me..
Exams..Home..Him..It keeps coming back..

Back from malaysia..
Celebrating hari raya haji at my uncle's place with family..
Well,not really a celebration cause I didn't enjoy myself for the last two days at his house..
Actually,I didn't intend to go there.. I was feeling too sick and I'm not close to his family anyway..
But I just have to.. It's hari raya,and grandma is there so I just follow..
Long story short,his attitude bothers me..
Okie,I know he's the religious type.. And so as his children..
I don't mind if he wanna talk about Islam and the importance of Qur'an..
Because I knew,I don't have much knowledge on it..
But one thing I'm feeling uptight about was,to me,he's like brainwashing my parents thoughts and perceptions..
U know like how Nazi brainwashed his people by using propaganda and stuffs?? Somesort the same..
U guys might think that I'm spouting nonsense and I should be proud to have an uncle who likes to share his knowledge about our religion..
Frankly dude,I feel that darkness is closing on me more..
I know he's a doing good deed but yesterday,when my family and his family were sitting down together,and he shares his opinions,my dad literally agrees in everything he said..
In my heart I was like,"Oh my God!! What kind of drama are u showing infront of your kids??"
Then he kept pointing on our mistakes.. Urgh!!
My mouth was freakingly itching to tell my dad's mistakes to his brother.. But I just shut my mouth..
Come on,I know we have our weakness,we are not religious as u are..
Nevertheless,u can't keep attacking us.. People don't change overnight..
I also want to learn more about Islam but don't force us into it..
Everything takes time..
Well,maybe,the word 'understand' is not in your dictionary anymore.. So as my dad..
Mum..please don't be like one of them.. I'm begging u..

My mind is also bothered by my relationship with Bf..
Well,recently I met him.. I was freakingly happy.. Eventhough I had a fever on that day,I still came to see him because I was missing him too much..
But then something happen..
As I sat down with him,he started to become very quiet..
He only talked to me for a few minutes then after that,he stares into space again..
At first,I thought of ignoring it but anger get the best of me..
I also did the same thing.. Just keeping quiet..
He tried to hug me and said that he was sorry.. It doesn't work..
He let go and gave a long sigh.. He then told me he was having problems..
And when I asked him why,he said it's no use talking about it.. My frustrations worsen..
A few minutes after that,I picked up my school bag and walked off..
Honestly,I never did that to him before.. Usually,I would just try to cheer him up but that day,emotions runs in me..
I was crying so badly as I was walking home,feeling guilty and mad..
Frankly,sometimes I felt like our love is fading away slowly.. Eventhough we've been together for more than 2 years,it seems that I'm the only one crazy about him..
Even my sis thought I'm obssesed with him because I always say his name..

I don't know.. Maybe I was thinking too much..
Hopefully,this emptiness can be filled with happiness again....

~END~

Labels: Crushed.Frustrated.Guilt.Lost

I Miss Those Times Where It Was Just You And Me..

Was feeling kinda bored,so I went to youtube to search for songs..
And guess what? I type "Good Charlotte"..hahaha..
They are like sooo last year!! Hehe..
I went to search about them because I want to see what have they been up to..
Anyway,as I was scroling down,I saw this song called,'Jealousy'..
As I read the lyrics,it kinda relate to what I've been feeling lately..
I'm not sure if this is an old song,but I like it..hee..
But when I look at Good Charlotte's photos,it reminds me of my secondary school days..
Where it was just me and my bestie..
I really miss her lots.. Too bad,I usually can't go out with her because of my uptight life..
Urgh!! Okie hajar,stop with those emo moments..darn..
Alright,enough yakking..
Just listen to this song.. Oh ya,if u guys think this song is already outdated,then just keep those comments to urself.. =)

~END~

Labels: Sleepless Nights..

6th Week Update:Being United For The Day..

Scary isn't it the clouds..

Our Donuts!! Hahaha..

Hey ya'll..

School has been kinda hectic this week..

Well,u know I know..

It all started again..

Return to chapter one.. But I'm just trying my best to just go with the flow..

Can't force them if they didn't want it..

So..Yeah...

Oh ya!! Monsoon season has arrived again!!

And damn,the clouds look quite scary I must say..

There was this point of time,me and friend were waiting for the class to start..

Then as we were standing outside the practical room,the rain clouds started to form right infront of us..

I started to take photos beacuse it was so damn beautiful..haha..

A few minutes after that,the rain came pouring down..

It was a wonderful feeling to see how God created such beautiful scenery for the world to see..

Today,while I was in class,yawning with boredom,hehe,my friend,Wati,said that two of my friends asked if we would like to join them to buy donuts..

I agreed because it's been a long time since I last hangout with them eventhough we're in the same class..

After school,the four of us,me,Wati,Rina and Faddy went to Tamp 1 to buy our donuts! Hehe..

We bought about a dozen of donuts!! Huhu!!

We then headed to Macdonald's to hangout..

I had a fun day with them I'm telling u..haha..

We keep laughing and laughing until we cried..

Until Rina begs us to stop as we can't really eat our donuts..hehehe..

But still,it doesn't work.. We just couldn't stop laughing..

I really enjoyed my day with u girls..

Eventhough,we don't hangout with each other anymore as a clique,I'm glad that we still have a good relationship..

A few more days,to the end of school days..

But still...I'm not totally looking foward to it......

~END~

Labels: I'll still stay strong.., No matter what

5th Week Update:Give Blood.Give Life.

Hey there people..

So..this is the 5th week already.. Fast isn't it?? By then,Im graduating soon..haha..

But me and my friends,have the common thing in our mind which is we don't wanna start work yet..

All of us agreed that it is too early for us to have a permanent job..

Oh well,I guess we just have to take up the challenge,no matter what..

This week,there was a career fair and blood drive donation thingy going on..

There were alot of other students from other schools that came in too..

Damn annoying..haha..

On that day,I also donated my blood!! Weee~~ Hahaha..

Actually,I didn't intend to do it,but my friend,Cara,asked me and my other friend,Feeza,to tag along..

I was freaking nervous!! I'm not scared of blood,I'm just "shy" with the needles..hehe..

I thought of backing out,but when I think about it again,why not?

Why not I'll just give it a try..hee..

After filling up the forms,blood tests..bla bla bla...haha..we went into the room..

There were many people I'm telling ya!!

Even outsiders came to donate..sweet...hehe..

When it was my turn,I started to have goosebumps..

In my head,there were many questions,like,"Can they find my vein? Is the needle gonna be damn long? Is it gonna hurt so bad?"..

Freaky huh?? Hehe..

The nurse then asked for my particulars and check my veins on my right hand..

She keep rubbing my hand and I know why..

Because she couldn't find my vein..hahaha..

A few minutes after that,she got it and the anesthesia goes in..

This to numb the part where she is gonna put the needle..

The needle is quite long I'm telling u!!

I didn't dare to look at it..haha..

Half an hour passed,and the bag was filled up with blood already..

The nurse then take the needle out and wrap my arm with a pretty bandage..(see the photo above..huhu..)

Overall,the experience was great..

I felt dizzy after that but the thought of donating my blood to save someone's life,made me smile..

I think if Cara didn't drag us there,I guess I won't feel have this experience..

So,that's about it..

I wanna play some games right now..haha..

~END~

PS:U'll never know how much I miss u my friend....

Labels: Back to the age of innocence..

4th Week Update:Had Those Moments Again..

Hey people.. Back again..
I've been feeling haggard these few days..
Friendship conflicts occurs again.. It was devastating..
I thought has ended,but then it came again..
Those days were like hell for me..
Thinking about them,about what is going on,was getting on my nerves..

I had a few breakdowns at school and it was embarrasing..
I didn't mean to cry infront of my classmates,but I was feeling really guilty at that point of time..
My mind was in a mess and I didn't know what to do.. How to put these puzzle pieces back together..
Then yesterday,I was sitting infront of my laptop,listening to music..
I suddenly decided to leave them and be on my own..
But then,my friend,Wati,came online..
She read my post at facebook.. And I told her my decision..
She then asked me not to do such things as it may affect the relationship further..
When I think again,she was right..
We can't run away from our problems,we just need to settle it once and for all..
I was also glad though that I talked it out with her,if not,I'll go bonkers..hee..

So,after I settle with her,I then talked to my other two other friends about this matter..
But there are still two of my friends that I didn't get a chance to talk with..
It's not that I didn't want to,just that I'm scared to touch this issue..
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings..
But hopefully,if time allows it,I wanna hear their opinions and all..
It's the last semester already,and I didn't want us to be in an arguement mood everyday..

So,today,I was feeling much better..
After all,I can't let emotions run through me deeper..
I need to learn to adapt in this type of situations..
Hopefully,I can help to make this right..
To my friends,Haikal,Azam.. Thanks for being there for me when I was feeling so uptight inside..
I think without the both of u being there for me,I just don't know who turn to..
I also didn't dare to confront my bestie about it because I'm scared that I would disturb her with my problem..

Hopefully,this misunderstanding wouldn't last long.. To my GFs,if there's something bothering u,come and share with me about it k.. In God's will,I'll try my best to help in any way I can..

~END~

Labels: Back to the age of innocence..

I Saw You!!

I saw my godsister today!!
I was inside the shop,then I bumped into this girl(which is her,hehe..)
Then I pulled her bag.. Damn,she was surprised! Haha..
She looked so darn fatigue just now..
To my Adik Hanii.. Better take care of urself aite..
Have more rest ya..
Hope to bump into u again soon..hee..

PS:Trying to bring myself up back again.. No use crying over a spilled milk..

~END~

Labels: Back to the age of innocence..

Why Oh Why???

I don't know what mistake I had done to u..
U seem to avoid me every now and then..
Is it my fault?? Have I done or say something bad towards u??
Gosh.. This thing is killing me inside..
I try not to think about it but it keeps reappearing in my head..
True enough.. History keeps repeating itself..
I'm losing u... Again...
I thought our friendship was real,but it seems that,it's gonna end sooner or later..
I know,I keep repeating the same line over and over again..
Maybe that's what makes u walk away from me...
Haiz..
I don't know..
I guess I'm not a good friend for u anymore...

~END~

Labels: Back to the age of innocence..